There are a few things to keep in mind while reading this so that you can properly envision things. Princeton is my excuse for a dog; he is a five pound Papillon. Remy is Brittany’s dog and thus living with us for awhile. She is about 45 lbs and is a Siberian Husky. Not a huge dog mind you, but sizeable in contrast to Princeton. Princeton has a lower esophageal stricture, basically scar tissue in his esophagus that makes swallowing certain things difficult. Food in large quantities or crunchy things will go to that point then sort of stick, causing him to regurgitate. I know, not pretty with your coffee; imagine being me and living with it. Our cats, Molly and Meeko are basically relegated to the garage while Remy is here because she views them as a tasty snack. You should see the look in her eyes. Sometimes, for a brief second in time, I will consider just letting them in the house… but you know I’d have to clean up the resulting mess.
So, as is my habit, I came downstairs to give Remy and Princeton their morning potty break. I let Remy out of her crate and she followed me to the kitchen where she promptly lay down and would go no further. I let Princeton out of his crate and had to BEG Remy to come to me for her leash so poor Princeton who was jumping up and down in his uhm…excitement to go out, could go. Out the door we go and Princeton takes off at a run; DOWN the driveway and to my mind toward the road. Remy will NOT follow. I chased after Princeton and was stopped short by the leash that was attached to Remy, kind of like a boat anchor! I looked at her and she literally had all four feet dug in and was pulling backward. Was this some doggie attempt to set Princeton free? Being of superior size and vocabulary but not necessarily strength, I won the battle with Remy and dragged her behind me showering her with less than flattering names. Princeton it seems was headed for the softer grass in the yard and not the road after all. So for a moment all was well, then he headed for the road again. I called him and as only men and dogs can do; he ignored me. Children will at least glance at you with a trace of guilt in their expressions. Again I go after him and again Remy digs in and pulls backward and we have a second or two of woman versus dog tug of war. I won. I got Princeton, and carried him to another section of the yard, dragging Remy behind me once again. The second I sat Princeton down, he was off again. Now, you would have thought at this point that the logic process in my brain would have kicked in and I would have KNOWN he was going to do this; but no. My pre coffee brain only makes small blips and they are meaningless to me. Again I have to drag Remy in pursuit of Princeton. At this point all I can say is if the neighbors did not have their video cameras running, they lost an opportunity to win America’s Funniest Video! Princeton actually stopped and came to me, waiting for me to pick him up. I did and took both dogs into the house. Remy walked to the water bowl and looked at it like she might vomit. Princeton began his little dog bouncing dance all under my feet.
The cats were yelling for breakfast so I set about feeding them before feeding the dogs. (Largely; because much to my horror; I couldn’t remember feeding them yesterday!) I grab a can of food from the cabinet and open the drawer for the can opener; it isn’t there. I stare with my dull un-coffee fed brain at the drawer like I expect it to appear. It doesn’t. I look in another drawer then another and then all around the kitchen, which is pretty darn tidy and would have easily exposed the whereabouts of the can opener. I cannot think where it might be and all the while, Princeton is bouncing underneath my feet and Remy is looking ill and the cats are yelling. My brain blips and says ‘must feed cats!’. Okay, but how in the heck can I do that with no can opener? Finally I look in a drawer that I just KNOW it can’t be in and of course that is where it is. Cat food is neatly on two small plates and I head to the garage door, with now both dogs in formation behind me. Suddenly Remy no longer looks ill she looks like a wolf on the hunt. I open the garage door and Molly shoots in the house. I manage to corner her behind the door and block Remy with my body. Remy is pushing me and trying oh so hard to get to the snack who is all puffed up and black eyed in the corner. My hands are still holding two plates of cat food. I have mentioned that my brain is really slow without coffee right? I think that if I simply show Molly the food, she will dash around the door and back to the garage. This has worked in the past why not now? MAYBE because there is a large dog shoving me from behind and trying to eat Molly? Or maybe because there is a wee small dog dashing in and out between my feet? I am not certain which but I do know it wasn’t a good idea. So I bend down, and show Molly the plate and promptly get shoved in the butt from Remy, the food falls off the plate and in an automatic response I sat the second plate on the floor so I can reach the spilled food and clean it up. Enter Meeko. He dashes in and starts nom noming on the food and for some dumb reason my brain thought this was the issue to be dealt with. Molly jumped from behind the door at that moment and jumped over Meeko. Just as she does that, I kind of lose my balance and Remy shoves her head between my ankles and grabs the cat food. As she chews (she is a dainty chewer…weird but true) food falls back to the floor and Princeton grabs it, and swallows. I see that the cats are safely in the garage, I grab the remaining food, set it in front of them and slam the door shut only to be greeted with Princeton in full regurgitation mode.
All I wanted this morning was my coffee. Was that too much to ask?
