So I've been attempting on and off to write a book or even a short story. My writing usually is driven by passion of some sort. Pain is usually the 'passion of choice'. So when I attempt to write I get drivel. I used to write a lot and people usually would tell me that I should publish this or that. Well; I wrote when I hurt and when I was sad. I realized that I was incredibly sad a few years ago and sought medical help. I ended up on medication that I truly did not want to take, but much to my surprise; changed me forever. Not into a zombie or lacking anything (or so I thought) but into a happier more positive person no longer seeing the doom and gloom in every corner of my world. My complaint about that came when I would attempt to write. I would sit and the words would not flow from my fingertips. Usually, as now, when I write; it simply happens. I don't THINK it like you would think or rehearse something you would say; but it literally flows from my brain to my fingers to the keys on the keyboard. Sure, I go back with my brain and edit, but not much. I know when I've written something really well because I'll read it and it will stir emotion in me. Those are always without fail; the things people tell me I should publish. The topic and story that keep popping out; are far from what I would choose to write. It is the oddest feeling to have this happen, like my will against my creative side. :) I suppose there is some latent thing in my mind or heart waiting to pour out; so I will give it voice and possibly it will go away!

All this to say that today and the rest of this week perhaps; I am going to write; it is a personal goal I have set. Interesting thing though. Every single attempt I make comes back to writing something that I would never read and thought I'd never write. Like there is something lurking around waiting to pour out. I've heard writers and artists speak of creating things that are from inside them or inside the medium of their art. Perhaps this is it. I personally think what keeps coming out is so much blather. So; my short term plan is to make the writing happen. I need a certain amount of environmental peace to accomplish that and that my friends, seldom happens for me. Once I write this 'drivel' I plan to post it to hopefully get some honest opinions from you; the readers of my humble little blog.

I went to my Aunt Virginia's funeral today. I had preconceived ideas of how it was going to be. Due in part I think to the fact that she belonged to a rather old and traditional Baptist Church. Much to my surprise; the funeral was not necessarily what you would have expected. Sure there were the requisite singers with poor audio and sound tracks, and the expected prayers and so on. BUT the huge difference was in the words of the pastor. He made it very plain that he had spoken to Virginia at some time and she had been specific about what her funeral should and should not be. She did not want a funeral about her! She wanted very much for the pastor to use the opportunity to speak to people who were gathered in her honor and remembrance, who may not have full understanding of God and Heaven. He managed to both honor my aunt and tell of salvation at the same time. Interspersed in his message were references to who Virginia was as a daughter of God. I was so touched and thrilled when he read Proverbs 31 and talked of how she WAS a Proverbs 31 woman. How her beloved husband, Thomas had cherished her and been honored by her living out her life this way.

I have to say that for me personally this funeral experience was very much one that was a true celebration of the life lived on Earth and among us here and how the end is not the end. The pastor spoke of how she 'went to sleep and woke in the loving arms of God'. If that doesn't move you, I just don't know what would.
I know some people just didn't get it. I could FEEL that it didn't make sense to some; those who were perhaps expecting keening and terrific sorrow. Instead they had a group of people singing songs of faith and God's great love and promises to us. I hope that in some way as the service moved on, that perhaps a tiny bit of openmindedness happened for these people. That is after all what Shinny had wanted this to be; a chance for them to hear that God has a great love for them.

I walked out of the church and into the bright sunlight and felt great gladness of heart. What a glorious celebration of a wonderful and loving woman of God.

My sister called me last night, soon after I arrived home. When her number showed up on my caller ID I knew it was something unpleasant. NOT that she is unpleasant, we just communicate via chat, not phone calls unless there is a a 'situation'.

She was calling with the news that our aunt; our dad's sister Virginia had passed away a few minutes before. I must say that I was stunned. She had been ill, but for some strange reason; I think I felt she would live forever. I think because she had always been there.
She was my Daddy's older sister, about 12 years old to his 4 years old when their mother died from pneumonia. Daddy always said that she stepped in and raised him, and that even when their father remarried, he looked to his sister 'Shinny" as his mother figure.
She lived across the street from our family home. In my mind I think since the beginning of time. Sure; my parents had shared stories of the houses in the neighborhood being built and so on, but it was a vague faraway notion, not something I ever thought about. She was just there.

I have a few stories and images in my mind and heart about her, but none that really would matter in the telling. I think I've long held her as the picture of a Christian woman, solid in her belief and her faith, holding to her values even when others didn't understand and at times criticized her for them. She to me was a 'different' kind of woman than the mother I lived with. Where mine was dramatic and at times overbearing; she, Virginia, always seemed (to me at least) to be the calm of an early morning, peaceful under almost any situation. I'm sure there are things that I don't know, but I do know that she was my Daddy's beloved sister, his mother figure in life and that they shared the genetics of both parents. Daddy when not giving in to his drinking problem was one of the most calm and peaceful people you could ever meet. I believe that his 'Shinny' must have been very much like that; it is all I ever witnessed from her.

She was the last living child of her mother, my grandmother. Of the total (11) she claimed as siblings (including whole sisters/brothers, step-sister/brothers and half siblings) she was the last living child of Dolphus and MarthaAnn Elizabeth Murray. There are two half brothers of that original eleven left.

I feel a unique connection to my grandmother I never knew and think about her and her life often. When my dad died in 1997 my second thought after hearing the news was that at long last he was reunited with his mom that he had not seen in 71 years. I thought similar thoughts about Shinny last night. Home with her mom and dad, her brothers and sisters who have gone ahead and with her husband...... home with her beloved Lord.

Today we did a wedding reception at work. This 'opportunity' came up shortly after I began working there and I was happy to say yes we would do it. I knew that my cook loved doing 'party' food and that it would be a great chance to really get into the kitchen with both of my cooks and get my hands dirty. Well, that yes was given several months ago and many dirty hands in between! I've had a fairly good chance to hang int he kitchen and show that I do indeed know my way around the pots and pans. It was still great to be able to work side by side with them; I think it keeps me humble and helps them to know me better. :)

Yesterday Brittany went in to work to lend a hand in the prep work. We spent the better part of the day dealing with linens that were NOT quite what I had ordered. SIGH. Then once we had the linens on the tables, we felt that the room design needed tweeking; so we proceeded to move tables. This proved to be a simple enough task but time consuming. The end result was much warmer and intimate than the original plan so it was wel worth the time.

Today, Lindsay and Brittany worked along with us. We got up and into work by 7:30 even though all of us are running on empty this week. Pretty much zero cumulitive sleep between the three of us. Lindsay was just giddy. There is just no other word for it. I knew going into the day today that she was most likely regretting saying she would work, and was longing for rest. The bride popped in to tell us a couple of things, and we all ooooh'd and ahhhh'd the cake and her beautiful flowers. We even took a break and went to the sanctuary to see the flowers! I could sense that Lindz was enjoying this tremendously. By the time we had the food on the buffet tables and the punch mixed and ready to be served, she was ....Giddy. She must have said ten times that she "loved this'.

When the bride and groom finally arrived at the reception; they had a story to share. Their love story has been written and published in a magazine and they wanted to read this to their guests. I had already been priveleged to hear this story, but was moved to teary eyes as she read aloud. They then danced a lovely dance to 'their song' ("Can't take my eyes off of you")and even threw in some neat choreography and singing to one another. I didn't dare meet the eyes of the women and girls standing around me for fear that we would all be blubbering and unable to do our jobs!
As the couple began to mingle with their guests; Lindsay looked at me and again said that she loved this. There was a long pause and then she said "I was NOT looking forward to this; but now, here and doing all this; I just love it." I told her that was pretty much how I felt day to day going in to work; that most days I didn't really look forward to it, but the minute I got there it all changes for me. Almost every day at work I stumble across or am smacked with a blessing that I could never have foreseen in that day.
I hope to find a way to post this lovely couple's story so you can read it soon. It is truly one of those things that you think can only be fiction.